malayalam is a palindrome

disclaimer: this is not a coherent post. it is a sampling of what I've been thinking about for the past few days.

I have concluded that Barnes&Nobles is for yuppies. Everything is insanely overpriced. blechness.

Why are there so many Starbucks? On one stretch of Route 1, there's a Starbucks in the B&N, and another Starbucks right across Route 1. My parents have tried to explain the "logic" of it to me, (so you don't have to make a u-turn...what kind of logic is that?), but I think it's entirely bad marketing.

Why am I so afraid of being wrong?

The most awkward thing ever is what I call walking-down-a-long-empty-hallway-oh-look-there's-S_____-should-i-say-hi-now-or-wait-till-i-get-to-her-do-i-look-at-her-stare-at-her-or-ignore-her-till-i'm-there-hey-whew-it's-over.

Why is there so much guesswork involved in relationships? The overly-idealistic part of me wishes we could all be straightforward and say what we really feel. But I guess we might end up with even more broken relationships if we really said everything we really feel.

Why is it that I feel some people don't mean it when they say, "I really don't care what part I get. I'm fine with anything."? I can totally sense that they would not be fine if they were cast as The Servant.

My pet peeve is when people spell "definitely" "definately". ugh.

Grandmothers are wonderful! I love love love my mah-mah. Do you know, I recently found out she contracted malaria when she was a teenager. She survived without hospitalization or special medication. it's so awesome to see how God's hand was on her throughout her life.

oh, and about the title of the post-- David showed me that Malayalam is a palindrome on Tuesday and I've been thinking about it ever since. My brain thinks it's the coolest thing ever.

resolutions, 4 days late

I haven't done New Year's Resolutions in a couple years. I used to think there was no point to them since I gave up on them a month into the new year. But I decided to make some today during first service. (I was paying attention to Pastor Wilson, I really was.) I don't have a deep, important reason for suddenly changing my mind to be for resolutions. I don't have big, ambitious goals. But here they are anyway.

1. I resolve to read through the entire Bible with my brother.
2. I resolve to journal at least once a week.
3. I resolve to do my math joyfully.
4. I resolve to treat my parents and brother with more respect.
5. I resolve to fill my mind with good, noble things, not the dirt of this world.
6. I resolve to carefully cultivate my relationship with God, and not treat him as an afterthought.

What are your goals for 2009?

growing pains

Consider this my year-end reflection post. Something I've never done.

2008 has passed by very quickly. Why is it that the older I get, the faster time seems to go?

I've been thinking more about things that matter. Maybe because I turned 16 this year and that feels like such an old age. So close to 18. If you think about it, I've probably lived one-fifth of my life. And what do I have to show for it? What have I done to advance God's kingdom?

I guess this year, one big thing for me was relationships. Of all kinds. A lot of my friendships have changed more in this one year than ever before. Everyone is growing up and changing. I still believe in kindred spirits, though. It’s almost as if you’ve got a deeper connection than just friendship, with certain people. It’s just that the outer veneer has cracked and reshaped itself. And that can hurt. Hence the title of this post: growing pains.

Sometimes I feel like not having a facebook limits my ability to “connect” with people I don’t see regularly. But then, I think, do I really need to know that S_____, whom I met last year at summer camp, went to a party last week and got drunk? Nah. The most important relationships are the ones where we can talk face to face.

Or at least voice to voice. This year God has been slowly, slowly revealing to me how important he is. How he is the one who gives me strength when I can’t run on my own power anymore. How only he can comfort me when everything seems to be going wrong. How his love can satisfy me and I needn’t go thirsting after attention from boys. But sometimes I’ve rejected his nudging. It’s like he’s wooing me and I just ignore and reject the great God of the Universe. I mean, wow, he has so many things to take care of and yet he takes the time to pursue an intimate relationship with me.

So after all that talk about relationships I sort of feel obligated to say that I’m not in a relationship with a guy. Which all of my readers probably know. Haha. Whether you care or not.

Change hurts. Sometimes I wish things would just stay the same. But say, if I never changed I’d be a horrible person. I’m learning to be glad that God is molding me through hard times. And compared to many people, I don’t suffer at all. These are just growing pains.

Romans 5:1-5

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Happy New Year!

what not to get me for Christmas

I am now the proud owner of three blue-and-red scarves, none of which I bought myself. Please don't give me a fourth.

Just had to get that out there. :D