growing pains

Consider this my year-end reflection post. Something I've never done.

2008 has passed by very quickly. Why is it that the older I get, the faster time seems to go?

I've been thinking more about things that matter. Maybe because I turned 16 this year and that feels like such an old age. So close to 18. If you think about it, I've probably lived one-fifth of my life. And what do I have to show for it? What have I done to advance God's kingdom?

I guess this year, one big thing for me was relationships. Of all kinds. A lot of my friendships have changed more in this one year than ever before. Everyone is growing up and changing. I still believe in kindred spirits, though. It’s almost as if you’ve got a deeper connection than just friendship, with certain people. It’s just that the outer veneer has cracked and reshaped itself. And that can hurt. Hence the title of this post: growing pains.

Sometimes I feel like not having a facebook limits my ability to “connect” with people I don’t see regularly. But then, I think, do I really need to know that S_____, whom I met last year at summer camp, went to a party last week and got drunk? Nah. The most important relationships are the ones where we can talk face to face.

Or at least voice to voice. This year God has been slowly, slowly revealing to me how important he is. How he is the one who gives me strength when I can’t run on my own power anymore. How only he can comfort me when everything seems to be going wrong. How his love can satisfy me and I needn’t go thirsting after attention from boys. But sometimes I’ve rejected his nudging. It’s like he’s wooing me and I just ignore and reject the great God of the Universe. I mean, wow, he has so many things to take care of and yet he takes the time to pursue an intimate relationship with me.

So after all that talk about relationships I sort of feel obligated to say that I’m not in a relationship with a guy. Which all of my readers probably know. Haha. Whether you care or not.

Change hurts. Sometimes I wish things would just stay the same. But say, if I never changed I’d be a horrible person. I’m learning to be glad that God is molding me through hard times. And compared to many people, I don’t suffer at all. These are just growing pains.

Romans 5:1-5

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Happy New Year!

what not to get me for Christmas

I am now the proud owner of three blue-and-red scarves, none of which I bought myself. Please don't give me a fourth.

Just had to get that out there. :D

comments fixed

Thanks to the people who pointed out the problem with the comment function. It should be fixed now. Happy commenting! =]

strange questions

Today I was at the dentist's office for my biannual cleaning. The hygienist was chatting away as she prepared me for the x-ray.

"How old are you now?" She asked.

"I'm sixteen," I replied, as she came over with the protective vest thingy.

"Are you pregnant?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you pregnant?" She repeated, looking very earnest.

"Uh...no?"

See that I was a bit shocked at the question, she explained, "You're sixteen, so I just have to check if you're pregnant."

"Uh...okay..."

What a mess our world has become! Just because I'm sixteen, I am assumed to have had sex and possibly be pregnant?

be still, my soul

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

~ Catharina von Schlegel, transl. Jane Borthwick

thanksgiving

I give thanks to the Lord for the millions and billions of blessings he has showered me with. From family to friends, to pianos, to books, to the ability to sing, to mashed potatoes, it's overwhelming when I think about it.

But most importantly, I want to thank you, Jesus. What greater thing do I have than my Jesus? Many things compete for #1, but let me never remove Jesus from that spot. Lord, keep my eyes fixed on you. You only. Only Jesus.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

fuzzy logic

"Frowning takes more energy than smiling or being expressionless...so let's all frown to get more exercise!"

~My brother

mood swings

Laugh cry scream. Shiver.
I get these sudden urges.
Laughing fits.
Or this deep sorrowful feeling within me that makes me want to sob.
Or a suppressed scream needing to come out.

Why?

Let it come out.

Are performances merely acts? Or can you really be you on stage? I felt it last night when I was singing Sorrow. Was that really me or just an imitation?

that warm, fuzzy feeling

Whenever I start feeling sad or discouraged or mopey, I think of one of the most wonderful things anyone has ever said to me -

"You know, Serenity, whenever I hear or say your name, it makes me think of music."

A little 7-year-old boy from church. Isn't that simply heart-warming?

lifted from soulvessel

top ten reasons to live other than God, family, and friends.

1. mashed potatos
2. Glenn Gould
3. scones
4. tea
5. cold fingers
6. snow
7. Chopin
8. pretending to do tai-chi
9. foam swords
10. Steinway grands

in your face

According to this chart (go to the very bottom), 14% of college students* do not have a Facebook. So I may be in the minority there, but at least there's sizable amount of people keeping me company. Take that, all you fbers who take every opportunity to convince me to get a Facebook.

The other charts are very interesting too. I guess the statistics don't surprise me, considering the moral, political, and social views held by many of the college students I know. Though if 60% of students are concerned about the moral direction of our country, then why don't they do something about it?

*yeah, I know I'm not a college student. I would think that the statistics for hs students are similar.

i know now why i used to hate poetry

I have always been a fast reader. That is not a boast, merely a statement of a fact. In first grade at private school I finished my whole reader about a month into the school year. Reading time was terribly boring after that. I go through books much like the way I go through apples. First I carefully peel the skin off, then I chomp my way through the meat without having to worry about the peel getting stuck in my teeth. I read the first few chapters carefully, to get a feel for the author's style, then I zoom through to the end so I know what happens to the characters.

But you can't do that in poetry. You'll miss the point.

Because in poetry, every word counts. There is not a single syllable that is extraneous. (unless, of course, you are an amateur trying too hard) You must read slowly, carefully, tossing the words around in your mouth, moving them to your brain, feeling them in your heart. If you miss one word, you could be missing the most important word in the poem, the punchline, the moral of the fable.

Now that I am older and have less time to read for pleasure, I find myself reading more slowly. Since I won't get through the book in a day anyway, I might as well read every single word. And that is why I have come to appreciate poetry for what it is, not just what it gives me.

Fantasy

i Want that which
i Cannot have.
it Cannot be
Done.

i Desire it
with All my heart.
from All of it,
Run.

new ksb tour blog

KSB has a new tour blog because the old one died. And they have pictures up!

If you can't tell from the frequency of my posting, I'm really excited about the tour. =D They're in Paris right now!

Keystone State Boychoir on tour!

As most of you reading know, my brother's choir went on tour today. They're on the plane to Heathrow Airport, London right now.

I missed Stephen for about 24 seconds, as we were walking away from the airport, then I felt fine. =D I'm sure I'll miss him later though. My mum and I sat in the IKEA restaurant waiting to see the plane take off...but then neither of us were quite sure what the British Airways logo looks like, so we don't know if we saw the plane or not.

So the main purpose of this entry is to get y'all to read KSB's tour blog for updates on what they're doing over in Europe. They'll be touring Monaco, France, Germany, Austria, and Bulgaria. Jealous yet? =)

on friendship

I feel like I don't know you anymore
Where have all the old days gone?
Why are you so distant -
Dare I say it - inconsistent

We used to talk
Once I knew your heart
Now there's a darkness
I can't feel what you're feeling

When the world has gone dark
You are gone with it
I can't trust you
Can't rely on you

Will it ever be the same?
Whispers of crushes and emotions
Is this what growing up is like?
Let's pretend we're still twelve

I'm helpless, powerless to touch you
Let go - leave it to God
Just know this, Sister -
I'm praying for you.


Written in a moment of teenage-angsty weakness, so I'm not sure if I mean all this. ;) If I ever become a pop singer, I'm gonna turn this into a song.

check it out!

The 2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee is coming to an exciting finish! Well, I'm guessing it's exciting...don't know for sure because we still don't have TV. My favorite, Matthew Evans, dropped out in the 6th round. =( But there's still one homeschooler left! Tia Thomas from California. So I'll be rooting for her and checking results frequently tonight.

I'm such a spelling bee geek. man, I wish we had TV so I could watch it.

btw, if you go to ABC.com and click on the link to the National Spelling Bee, in the second promotional video there's a shot of my hands. You'll recognize it by my ring. :P Pretty sweet.

edit: ok, excitement's over. Sameer Mishra from Indiana is the 2008 National Spelling Bee champ. Tia Thomas got 3rd place.

werboom

It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words, but really, words are just as important. I mean, we talk with words, not pictures. Words have a lot of power, whether for good or bad. Proverbs says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

I'm reminded many times daily by my mom to speak gently and kindly. Many, many times in a day. Curbing my tongue is really hard. That's probably why Scripture talks about the tongue so many times. A sampling from Proverbs:

A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. Proverbs 11:12

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. Proverbs 17:28

But it isn't only the words from our mouth that have great effect. What we write, or blog, in this digital age, can also influence people for good or bad.

I came across this article from Boundless recently. It talks about the importance of being gracious and truthful when writing online. I'd encourage all of my readers, even if you don't blog, to read the article in its entirety. It's a good reminder to us all to use our words carefully, especially if we claim to represent Christ.

One other thing that stood out to me from this article is that we should also be careful in our comments on other's blogs. Often I comment frivolously on my friend's blogs because I treat them as places where I can show off my wit or make silly jokes. In the process of trying to be "cool", I show myself to lack judgment.

I know I will never be able to completely control my tongue (or fingertips!), but I will strive to emulate Christ and speak with courtesy and wisdom. Will you join me?

happy Leap Year Day!

I simply have to post today, even though I don't have much to say. After all, leap year only comes every four years. And by 2012 I'll probably have abandoned this blog.

Well, for the sake of saying something...

I heard on 99.1 this morning, in the car going to piano, that the 29th of February is the one day that ladies are free to propose marriage. From Radical Womanhood:

Today, I have the pleasure of introducing my friend, Erin Sutherland, who wrote a post for the New Attitude blog about the gospel and dating. You should note what is special about today, ladies! Once every four years, the tables are turned and legend has it that women are free to propose on Leap Year. As Erin writes:

Back in the 5th century, Saint Bridget complained to Saint Patrick that women were forced to wait too long for a marriage proposal. According to legend, St. Patrick set aside one day every four years so forlorn females could ‘pop the question.’ That day is February 29th. The tradition has found its way around the world; Scotland even made it a law in 1288—and any man who refused a proposal was required to pay a fine! The idea is: leap year can fix calendar problems, and ‘female proposal days’ can fix lack-of-marriage problems.

My brother's friend's parents got married on February 29th. I wonder who proposed to whom...

Correction: marrying does not equal proposing, so I guess that sentence is irrelevant. Please excuse the mind blip. =D

teaching

In the past few days, I've discovered for myself that teaching something is vastly different from just doing that something well.

How exactly does one convey how to be musical? It isn't something that can be taught. If you mimic it comes out manufactured. I'm sure by now my brother thinks I'm kooky or wrong in the head or something.

How do I show him that rubato isn't formulaic? It doesn't work like math!! AAHHHH!! Stop moving your body! Don't slow down before every other beat! Don't rush the eighth notes!! NO! You're marching again!

Of course it doesn't help that he thinks I'm scolding him when in fact I'm trying to help him.

And you know what the problem is? The problem is he's naturally musical, but he won't apply it!!!

I sound really hyperly angry, but I'm really not. I'm just really stuck trying to figure out how to help him.

lunar eclipse

for you all who read this before the 20th is over, there's a Lunar Eclipse tonight. I mean, it's already happening. Full eclipse at 10:26. fyi.

my time stamp is absolutely off, so don't tell time by that.

unashamed

I came upon this verse in 1 John 2:

(NIV) 28 And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming. [emphases added]

(The Message) 28And now, children, stay with Christ. Live deeply in Christ. Then we'll be ready for him when he appears, ready to receive him with open arms, with no cause for red-faced guilt or lame excuses when he arrives. [emphasis added]

(CUV (Traditional)) 28 小 子 們 哪 ， 你 們 要 住 在 主 裡 面 。 這 樣 ， 他 若 顯 現 ， 我 們 就 可 以 坦 然 無 懼 ； 當 他 來 的 時 候 ， 在 他 面 前 也 不 至 於 慚 愧 。 [emphasis added]

There are two things that really stood out to me: one is that we should be confident and unashamed when we stand before Christ when he comes again. The second thing comes before in the verse, but it's actually telling us how to be confident and unashamed. Continue in him. Live deeply in Christ. 住 在 主 裡 面. I like the Chinese version, because it literally says we need to live inside Christ.

I'm glad today, because I know that Christ is my Redeemer. The one who makes me blameless and pure when I cannot do so on my own. The one who testifies on my behalf in front of the great Judge.

I'm also glad because our grand piano finally arrived! Beautiful, though rather out of tune. I'm extremely relieved that the movers got it safely up our [apparently] narrow stairs!

definition: Do Hard Things

Per Art's suggestion, I've decided to link you to the Rebelution's definition of doing hard things. It's much more fleshed out than my attempts to define it. And they are the ones who came up with the whole idea.

Yay! Now I can finally blog regularly. I was stuck, very stuck, trying to write that post. Believe me, I started at least five times, on paper, on Word, on blogger. Maybe someday I'll post some of my thoughts.

2008

2008. Harder to write than 2007. 8 has four curvies whereas 7 is just two straights.

Oh, Happy New Year, by the way. Almost forgot to say that.

Resolutions? Not me. I wouldn't keep them if I made them, so why make them? But I do hope to accomplish several things in 2008. Among them, blogging regularly (hopefully once a week), getting to know God better, inching, if not stepping, out of my comfort zone, and using my musical talents more fully. Note: I repeat, these are not resolutions. They are...something else. Can't find the right word.

I dub the year 2008 "Year of the Abbreviation." That reminds me, what's 2008 on the Chinese zodiac? According to my 50 year calendar, Year of the Rat. My brother's a rat.

Next post: definition: Doing Hard Things.